Get your space....before it's gone.

I was thinking about heaven...you know...what its gonna be like and stuff. I know what you're thinking. Mighty precocious of you to just assume you are going to heaven. Well I am. Of course I'm going and Penny is coming too. I decided that its probably like a really big mall. Like huge mall. Like think Dubai mall times infinity. And we will all have a store. Everyone gets a store. Like my old orthodontist will definitely have the tie store Tie One On. Alex Trebec will have Men's Warehouse. Michelle Obama will have Anne Taylor. Lindsey Lohan will have the pharmacy etc.etc.etc. Oh, and every celebrity that has ever made a perfume will be stuck behind the perfume counter in a department store. Because celebrity perfumes bug me and this is my heaven so I make all the rules. Anyway... I want my store to be Anthropologie.

(Cue harp music)



Whenever I have a bad day, the Anthropologie website is definitely on my top five pick-me-up sites (and simultaneously depressing because who can afford to furnish their wardrobe or house from there. Like seriously, who are you? Send me an email or something because I want to meet for tea and talk about how great your life is or something.) Farmville is #1 - obviously. If I had only known what a great farmer I was before I started college I could have studied agriculture and been a millionaire. (okay- hundred-thousandaire) You know what they say... hindsight is 20/20. Digg.com is somewhere in there as is a youtube search of television bloopers. Nothing makes me laugh like a weatherman accidentally dropping the F-bomb on live TV, and then the face they make when they realize what just happened. This one also gets me every time. Wait wait wait....back to heaven.

Okay, so Anthropologie. Not the outlet, the real one. God, if you're listening, its all I will ever ask for. You see, I've already worked everything out. I will sleep in the display bed on all of the pretty linens wearing silky pajamas. I will pretend-cook in the kitchen accessories nook, reading from recipe etiquette books dictating which French pastry I should serve with English tea; and regular etiquette books explaining how many forks to serve with a bowl of ice cream. During the day I will climb the tree branch window display, bathe in the tub full of candles and try on clothes in the dressing lounge (which will have skinny mirrors- you know the ones.)

I want no cherub angels singing or horns trumpeting. I only want the soundtrack of cooing little-known indie artists mixed with the melodies of local songbirds. The other people in heaven can come shop in my Anthropologie store (they will be attracted by the outrageous smell of incense as they walk by) and they will ask me who sings the song that is playing, and I will condescendingly say "OMG- you don't know Bangater Highway?? You haven't lived until you have listened to Bangater." (Bangater Highway will be a band that I start with the people who live in the Roxy/Quicksilver store, one token girl from the Amoeba Records store, and one guy from McDonalds--you know-- to get free food and stuff.) And then I will show them the Bangater Highway CD. Once they are lured into the store, they won't be able to leave without purchasing my irresistible goodies. I will kindly explain to them that there is no use having a coffee table if you don't have at least 3 coffee table books about Audrey Hepburn. During their purchase presentation, I will wrap their newly bought treasures in delicate tissue paper adorned with turtles and willow trees. I will also make a killing because of my outrageous prices and the fact that every item will be practical yet indulgent and money doesn't matter in heaven. duh....I mean wait a sec....

So I don't have all the details ironed out yet, but I know real estate near my store is going fast- and you're gonna want to be next to me in heaven considering I have big plans for dance parties with special guest Taylor Swift. You cannot resist Taylor Swift. Don't even lie to yourself. You are not going to want to miss this....believe me you guys.

Oh and God...if you're listening....please make sure I'm located next to the food court. Well, not right next store but maybe one or two stores down. You know how I am. Oh and no cell phone, acne cream or green tea weight loss kiosks by me...those guys are anoy-o.

Thanks!