Watch out...you might catch it.

I had a doctors appointment today. Lately I have a reoccurring one once a month but today I went to a new doctor because I felt like my old doc wasn't doing much for me. As I was walking up to building 3 in the blazing California sun, I noticed a tall extrememly good looking gentlemen in a suit walking my way. I quickly noted to myself how glad I was that I opted not to wear my pajamas to the doctor and wore a cute little dress instead. Suddenly, a gust of wind came out of nowhere. The wind filled the bottom of my dress and blew it straight up revealing my goods to the handsome man My hands flailed frantically trying to find the fabric to pull it down but it was a lost cause. My bright orange panties were on display. Not only are they the color of a construction cone but the word "lucky" is splashed accross the front. I doubt he could read the words, but if he did it would be misleading because today, luck was nowhere to be found. ( Why do I own panties like that? I don't know. Actually because santa always seems to leave me dozens of them in my stocking and I always think "no ones ever gonna see them...who cares." Well now I know.) Of course I did what all people would do in that situation...never broke stride, looked at the ground, and pretended like that.did.not.just.happen.

I should have known the doctor visit would be equally as crap filled. As the nurse took my vitals, she couldn't stop raving about how "healthy" I was. "Such good blood pressure." she said. "And your BMI is right where you should be....skinny people aren't always healthy you know." Wait does that mean Im not skinny? But... Ok I already knew that. I only sat in the room for .3 seconds and my doctor was there. She was so cute. "So we're following up on insomnia, huh?"

I have now had insomnia for 4 years. FOUR YEARS. When I think about it I can't believe it. I know what your thinking...insominia? thats stupid. i wish i got more sleep too...but its not really like that. its like if i try to sleep for 8 hours, i will get 4 hours of sleep. I have a 50% sleep rate. If I wanted to get 8 hours of sleep, I would have to devote 16 hours to sleeping. Then every morning i wake up feeling like I got run over by a truck. Theres more but Im not trying to be a weenie winer...you get it. Sleep is needed to live. I am not a person that can live everyday off 4 hours. I need more. Mostly because I feel like I'm not my best self. I could be so much more creative, so much more accomplished, design so much more effective lesson plans if I only had more sleep. Ya know. After we go through every symptom she said what I have been dreading hearing the most. "Seems like you have tried everything and there just isn't anything I can do. Its like your head isn't listening to your body. But at least you're healthy right?" She went on to say that there are a small percentage of insomnia cases that aren't related to anxiety or depression but there isnt much help for them because they just cant figure out what causes it.




What?




Can I have my co-pay back?




I started crying. But I know that my tears are merely drops in an ocean of tears of people struggling with illnesses. I guess she is right....at least im not dying. While I was waiting in the doctors office, this cute lady sat down next to me. She was wearing a surgical mask and had a really bad cough. She asked about the book I was reading and started making jokes about my toenail polish. She was lovely. She told me that she had lung cancer and that is why she was coughing. She had to wear the mask, not because she was contagoues, she wasn't, she wore it to protect herself. I was afraid to ask questions so I just nodded and smiled. She got back to cracking jokes and then my name was called.

After my doctors visit, I went down to the pharmacy to get my birth control and the place was a mad house. I stood in line, placed my order, and took my spot on a green chair, ready to contemplate my future without sleep. Then the masked lady from the waiting room came down. She slides her mask down and winks in my direction with a smile. Then she starts to cough.

Introduce Mean Lady from accross the room who throws her hands in the air. "Get your mask on lady, thats disgusting. Have some f#%*ing respect. Its people like you who all of us sick."

Masked Lady reassured her in her thick spanish accent "no Im not contagious, Im wearing it because I'm sick and I need protection."

"Learn English!" Mean Lady interupted. "I demand you put your mask on."

I couldn't help myself.

"HEY" I yelled. "I demand YOU put a mask on."

"I'm not even sick." Mean Lady said, "I'm picking up a perscription for my son. Mind your own business."

"I demand you put a mask on, because I don't want to catch your bad attitude!" I sat down and resumed my seat.

I'll deal with insomnia, I'll deal with the flu...but I don't want to catch a bad attitude.
(p.s. if you have any insomnia solutions...I would love to hear them : )