Riddle me this!

I recently made chicken enchiladas. I bought boneless/skinless chicken breasts. I poached it and then had to shred it. During the 30 minute process, i spent at least 15 minutes dry heaving over the sink. Just thinking about it is giving me the willies. I cant handle meat in my house. All of my lean cuisines are vegetarian. The only times I successfully cook meat and eat it is when I BBQ it. But Im not a vegetarian. I like meat taste, I just cant handle actual meat. Most the time I just want all the meat chunks picked out. Like chicken noodle soup with no chicken- Yum!

Here's the really weird part. I eat meat at places like subway and in n out and el pollo loco, cpk, chilis, olive garden, bosa nova, - i even eat baseball game hot dogs. I know their meat is probably super gross. Ive seen all the documentaries about it. But it just doesn't seem to bother me.

I also have really strict rules about some meat. For example, bacon can't wiggle. When I hold up a slice of bacon and shake it around, it needs to be like a stick. no wiggling. Chicken cant be "slippery" I only like it dry. No dark meat anything. eww sick. no pink or bloodyness anywhere! maybe this is theraputic. Anyway- I want to change. I want to be a normal person and be able to cook meals with meat in them. How will anyone ever marry me if I boycott meat in the home?? Do I really want to raise a herd of meatless children (with the exception of restaurants and friends houses) NO! help please

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME!!!!???????